Learning how to be unapologetic

I say sorry a lot. It is part being Canadian, but also part how I have always been. I say sorry for something so bizarre as stubbing my toe, or as major as being blunt when I should not be. It is what it is. But this is not the same as being unapologetic in life.

If you had asked me a few years ago if I was living my life freely or being unapologetic, I would have said no. The “care what the people say” idea was far too ingrained in my head. Now, well not as much thankfully.

So what is being unapologetic? Simple : Stop being sorry for who you are as a person, as a human, and as a personality. Simple to say of course, hard to put in practice. What I learned though, was that constantly thinking of thoughts like “being perfect”, “being appropriate”, are just ways of self-destruction and self mutilation of our self-esteem. Now, that were a lot of hard words jumbled together, but what it really means is that we should never apologize for who we are. We are all different people, even if we belong to the same culture, country, family, belief, or group of friends. Understanding and acknowledging these differences is difficult, I understand, but it is the most liberating feeling- trust me.

It means owning up to your flaws, your quirks, your qualities and your weirdness. Being honest, upfront, straightforward, admitting mistakes and just being- is how we become unapologetic. It is a long process, but deserves our full and complete attention. There will be many hurdles, many stop signs but you should never give up. We deserve to make the most of who we are, and that is not possible if we are constantly thinking about how to please others, how to be perfect or how to pretend to be someone we are not.

So, my friends, own up to who you are, do not be afraid to express yourself, and enjoy experiences as they come. We all make mistakes, there is no such thing as a perfect human being. Because if there was a perfect human being, we would be robots and not our different unique personalities.

 

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Photo by Nina Uhlíková on Pexels.com

Overwhelming isn’t it….

I really want to have a conversation with the person who said it gets easier with time. Of course it does- we get used to it.

Trying to figure out life is overwhelming. Period. Trying to figure everything out at being 23 years old is a mission. I mean, it doesn’t stop does it. First have to deal with studying, exams, assignments etc etc. Now, its choosing which direction I want to set my life in for the next 10 years. I mean I have trouble deciding what to wear the next day, how is society expecting me to decide for the next 10 years in a couple months? Seems like another rendition of mission impossible to me.

After being in hard-core University life for almost 6 years, I can finally say I am done with studying. But then, the nerd inside me gets bored of not having challenging new material to study? Like, brain please decide – I am already confused out of my mind.

Now this post is by no means a reflection of my up and down mental health, nor is it a dark post. This is my sarcastic brain combined with lame humour trying to tackle this onset of societal expectations with a new lens. True, nobody has really said directly to me ” so hey what are your next steps, where are you taking your career”.. but I see it in their faces every time I tell them I am enjoying life and taking one day at a time and that I want to make sure every work I do makes me happy. So yeah, I am putting my peace of mind first. And why not? I mean… i did ruin my peace of mind for the last 23 years just to make sure I graduated with my head held high.

All of this is so overwhelming sometimes. Too much too soon. I wish everything could just move with the pace of Canadian winter… slow and long… but not dark please. Enough darkness already, sheesh.

Oh well, I guess the next time someone asks me about my next steps, my answer will be ” I’m chilling, and you? “.

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The darkness within

I’ll admit.. recently there have been some dark days, my optimism has taken a backseat, and being pulled down is becoming an every day thing…

I understand what is happening.. although I have no reason why and no way of stopping it.. But I know this happens and I have the power to overcome it. Not every day is bright and shiny. Not every day is started with a big smile and ended with a big smile. Some days, its a “don’t speak to me at all” day.. other days its a “just give me some ice cream and ill be great” day..

Not sure where I wanted to go with this post, but I did want to share my realities as well. No point in being fake, and pretending to be a ray of sunshine 24/7 when I have bad days just like everyone else. But it does get harder to share.. people you confide in do get tired of the repetitive mood changes, and others just think its an excuse or don’t understand. So we start feeling like a bottleneck… just ready to burst at the slightest trigger.

I guess dealing with failure is something I still have to come to terms with. Learning how to walk the path of an adult now, there is so much more responsibility now than ever. And add to that the preconceived notion that I have to be successful immediately, does put a downer on my everyday struggle for being positive.  It is so easy to lose hope and faith, so easy to forget past accomplishments in face of current failures, and so easy to forget I am awesome (sometimes). The struggle just got real.. and nobody other than me has the power to deal with it and be victorious.

The question of “why not me” comes up very often, and it is a difficult one to answer. I don’t have an answer, and i don’t think I ever will. Life is unpredictable and brings challenges every day, its just how we deal with it that matters. And right now, trust me when I say, my dealing-with-it abilities are hibernating. Maybe I need some warmth and spring, to give the final push to end that hibernation. Who knows.. maybe tomorrow I am a ray of sunshine again..

Until next time my friends…

black hanging bridge surrounded by green forest trees
Photo by Kaique Rocha on Pexels.com

It’s been a year….

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Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

My oh my…. it’s been a year since I started my journey as a blog writer… and it has been great honestly. I have learned so much about my personal style of writing, what I enjoy reading, and what inspires me. I have come across such amazing blogs about every and any topic, and its been a pleasure reading them, and supporting them. Of course, some days I just couldn’t write at all-my brain was blocked. Or even some days, I just could not decide what topic I wanted to write about-so many or so little…

So, the past year has been interesting. I have seen ups and down in my viewership, more often downs and sometimes it did put me down. Was I not writing good enough? or were my ideas not juicy enough? what was I doing wrong? … but those are just random thoughts. I am grateful for every person who reads my blogs, and likes them. It makes me feel like I am doing my part in helping someone or giving a new idea to someone- that’s good enough for me. I am happy.

This has been a great year of me exploring my passions, travelling and moving forward in my career. I am “adulting” …. as our generation calls it. I hope you all had a fantastic year, and an even better one ahead. Hope you are all learning from your experiences, making mistakes and coming out stronger. You are amazing, wherever you are, and just have to tell yourself in the mirror every day.

… Woah… Now that felt a lot like rambling, but I felt I had to say something about spending a year working on my passion of writing. I cannot write about gossip, or the “hip” topics.. I am me, and I write what I feel wants to come out of my head onto the paper- in this case the screen. I hope you like it, and keep supporting! I am always looking for suggestions, inspiration, new stories, new experiences… So share with me something you would like me to write about – even if it is my opinion on whether I would choose chocolate with orange or nuts….
..P.s.. (NEVER with fruit)… 😀

Keep Learning!!

 

Travel Diaries : New York, US

 

Wow… just wow .. I never imagined I would say this but New York has a lot of people and I definitely will be living in the suburbs .. City life’s is amazing but only until Home time. Suffice to say, I saw and experienced an overwhelming amount of emotions and stories.

Such a beautiful and vibrant city. Full of life and people and history. There wasn’t  single place I didn’t like. It was surreal, grand and out of this world.

The bridge to peace

Peace. Such a small word, but one with heavy meaning. A meaning which is often overlooked, ignored and forgotten. We all want to be at peace but sometimes, we are unable to actually work towards it. In fact, in our fast paced world of today, we often work away from peace. We want everything with monetary value, but not something which is priceless.

This blog today is a little different than my learning series, only because the end of my final degree has forced me to start thinking how I want my career and the rest of my life to look like. I want a good job, interesting career, doing the work I love, and thankfully I have that. But I also want to be happy, and have a peace of mind. As 2018 comes to a close, I realize I did work towards being happier with myself but I have a long way to go. It is the same as being healthy; every year I tell myself I will be healthy and I always try my best. Some days I am successful, other days I have brownies three days in a row. (Can’t resist those fudge brownies though….)..

But what about my progress towards a peaceful mind? and a peaceful life? Well… that project is ongoing…. and honestly, I hope that it will always be ongoing so that with every decision I make,  I also take into account what that decision will do to my peace.

Right now, I feel like I am walking on a bride, with the wide open sky above me, and deep deep waters filled with my fears, insecurities and concerns, below me. I am walking on the bridge, focusing on the bright sky rather than the darkness beneath me.

I am sure that at some point in your life, you felt the same. Our world is so much smaller now, its globalized. Yet, it has become more overwhelming and it continues to be overwhelming. You may also have felt like you were struggling to find inner peace. Like everything you did only increased your anxiety and fears, rather than reducing it. Well, have no fear. Ultimately, you will also reach peace, you will cross that bridge and then you will be even braver than before.

 

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Halifax, NS, Canada

Travel Diaries III: Nova Scotia

All those news about whales in New Zealand reminded me of the beauty and grandeur I saw when I travelled to Nova Scotia this summer. Whales are magnificent and they are intelligent animals. So peaceful and smart, and it broke my heart to see so many of them die this week.

Nature is soothing, calm and it brings a reality checks to us. Shows us that life is so much more than Instagram, facebook, friends and parties. A moment to see nature in its true form shows the complexities in life, and how life is so much bigger than we think of in our day to day. The vastness of the ocean, the quiet movement of marine life, are just an example of our world, the real world.

The art of asking for help

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Asking for help is never easy. It  is like admitting to yourself and everyone else that you cannot do everything alone. Sometimes its scary, nerve-wrecking and makes you feel vulnerable. It goes against our egoistical selves to admit that sometimes our days are hard, some thoughts are negative, our feelings are sad and our thoughts are weak. Sometimes feeling alone feels like nothing can touch you. Sometimes, that loneliness shakes our foundation. Sometimes sometimes sometimes……..

That thought process can continue on and on and on. I can go on forever why sometimes is better than never.

Why asking for help sometimes is better than never asking. Of course it is better but it is not enough.

Dark thoughts are like a bottomless pit. It is like a black hole. There is no end, unless you find one.

Now what is that end you say? Ask. For. Help.

Sadly, with all these technological advancements, humans still haven’t developed a way to read human minds. If we did, we could have helped so many of you without your even asking. We would have known you are falling deeper and deeper and you need a way out.

So until we come up with the technology, just ask. And one of us, will be there to give you a hand and pull you out.

 

 

A short break

So I am back after a much needed break and relaxing summer. Now it is back to work, study and just basically learning how to be an adult. The break seemed much shorter than it was but hey that’s how we all feel after summer. Summer = vacation, and fall = overdosing on coffee and all the yummy new hot drinks.

Enjoy some of my travel pics! I spent quiet some time in Ottawa and Gatineau, Canada and have a new found appreciation for our Canadian culture and lifestyle!

 

Adjusting to the uncertain times of today

25446147_2050862885194340_1565461645544777434_nBeing a Muslim, a female, an immigrant and a visible minority includes me in the group of people for whom life has started to become uncertain in the public eye. With an increase in gun violence, assaults, racial slurs, discrimination.. it is not surprising that going out now means being on high alert mentally and physically.

Unfortunately, there is not much we as common people can do alone. The issues can only be rooted out of our society when everyone wants them to leave. So obviously, that will take time. Meanwhile, what we can do is be steadfast, headstrong and deal with every hurdle direct. Of course, finding like-minded people and figuring out ways to deal with such situations also helps.

So what does going out in the public include these days? or rather, how have I learned to prepare myself or deal with situations?

Well, certainly being aware of your surroundings helps. Keep your eyes open, don’t lose yourself in the world of earphones, and look around. If not yourself, then maybe someone else needs help.

I also usually do not respond to questionable comments from strangers. There really is no point in wasting energy to respond to people who do not know who you are. Unless of course, their comment is highly inappropriate then it requires a controlled and direct response.

I do not hide who I am, but I will also not talk about my personal beliefs, ideas, issues with just acquaintances. Those conversations are way too deep and require a good level of understanding for an intellectual conversation.

Keeping my personal views away from social media!! Probably, the hardest yet most important one. Nowadays, the ‘social media police’ is way too abundant and so hard to control. Ignore. That is the solution. Ignore and do you. Don’t worry about others or their opinion because they really cannot get inside you and see who you really are. And you, are a wonderful, amazing person who does not deserve any judgements or comments from strangers.

Be friendly, be nice, be respectful and be accepting.